


The Heart Has Its Reasons

by Somniare



Category: Lewis (TV)
Genre: Canon Divergence, First Kiss, First Time, M/M, doubts, memories run deep, post-Generation of Vipers, reassurance, sleepily drunk, tiredness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-04
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2017-11-20 06:54:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/582533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somniare/pseuds/Somniare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From little things, big things grow.</p><p><em>The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of.</em>  Blaise Pascal</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Familiarity

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a one-off (originally titled Familiarity). Like love, it has begun to grow. 
> 
> Chapters 1 and 2 not beta'd, all errors are mine.  
> Chapter 3 (and onwards) beta'd by wendymr, with many, many thanks - all errors are still mine. :)
> 
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With the Thornton case wrapped up, and having secured Innocent’s promise that they wouldn’t be called out the next day, it was time for Robbie and James to relax.  The fallout from the case meant they couldn’t yet return to their homes so Laura extended her invitation for them to stay.  She was deserting them that evening for a girls’ night out – “don’t wait up, boys” – and gave them permission to raid the liquor cabinet, “within reason and common sense, gentlemen.”  After a quick stop on the way to pick up food and beer, ostensibly to repair the sizeable dent they’d made in Laura’s supplies, they were set.   
  
They took their time over dinner, arguing good humouredly over which movie to watch from Laura’s small yet eclectic collection; three rounds of ‘paper, scissors, stone’ gave the final choice to James.  After clearing away dinner and the not-so-moderate collection of empty beer bottles, Robbie settled on the couch and waited for James, who returned with the DVD, a bottle of single malt and two glasses; he poured two good-sized measures.   
  
“S’that wise?” Robbie mused.  
  
“Prob’ly not,” James grinned. “Don’t feel like being wise tonight.  S’that a problem?”  
  
Returning the grin, Robbie raised his glass.  “Nope, not at all.”  
  
Warmly drunk, they sank into the couch.  His surroundings and company filling his thoughts, Robbie paid scant attention to the movie – some historical piece with ships and cannons and battles – and allowed himself to drift away, his head gradually coming to rest on James’ shoulder.  He listened to the murmur of James’s voice as he nit-picked something or other, and made what he hoped were all the right noises while vaguely following the action on screen.  
  
As the credits rolled, James yawned and stretched, his leg and hip pushing against Robbie’s, while Robbie, having roused himself from James’ shoulder, appreciated the sight of a drowsy James as he sat with shoulders drooped and eyes half-closed.  Robbie pushed himself up in the couch, rocking into James, bumping shoulders.  
  
With a soft groan, Robbie rose slowly. “I’m calling it a night, s’been a bloody long week.” Unconsciously, as if in a memory stirred from long past, he leant in towards James.  “Night, love,” he murmured and kissed James on the lips – a small, chaste kiss, but a kiss nonetheless.   James stilled.  Robbie rose to his feet and moved away from the couch, his step faltering as his brain caught up with his actions. He turned back cautiously, an apology forming in his mouth, and hesitated when James spoke softly.  
  
“Good night Robbie, sleep well.”  
  
James looked almost wistful, a smile playing at the corners of his eyes.  He dropped his gaze back to the drink in hand at the moment Robbie made eye contact.  Instinct told Robbie to say nothing.  With a small wave, Robbie headed to the spare room.  
  
He lay awake, listening as James moved around the living room, setting up the sofa bed.  He hadn’t planned to kiss James, he was sure James knew that; it was obvious James wasn’t bothered by it either, quite the opposite, in fact.  Would James be bothered if he knew it was something Robbie had wondered about for some time?  Robbie doubted it.  He could see James’ face before him and felt quite certain that had he returned to the couch, to James…  
  
Robbie shook his head briskly to cool the flare of heat in his cheeks.  Tomorrow.  They would talk tomorrow, with clearer heads and, Robbie suspected, clearer hearts.  



	2. Doubts and Discoveries

  
Robbie keeps his eyes closed and tries to tell himself that he is dreaming and that it’s Val he hears moving around the house.  But the cold voice of reason won’t let him escape so easily.  He knows it’s James, just as he knows it’s James he kissed, with an effortlessness born of familiarity and comfort.  True, he’d long _thought_ about kissing James, holding him and being held, but it was purely a whim born of loneliness – wasn’t it?  He’d certainly never considered acting on those flights of fancy – had he?  Last night, James had seemed accepting, quietly pleased, but they’d had a few drinks; would this morning bring hard truths?   
  
James had also called him Robbie; he liked that.  
  
He concentrates on the sounds of James: toilet, hands, face, teeth.  Humming.  _Humming?_   Had he ever heard James hum?  The melody is sweet and familiar and Robbie knows the name will come to him if James just keeps humming.   
  
An aggrieved man doesn’t hum bright tunes and walk around as though all is right with the world.  Robbie knows James and generally reads his mood well; James is _happy_.  Robbie’s heart and mind grasp the truth that James will not run from this, but his heart beats faster because he doesn’t know if he can keep James happy.  He’s afraid the kiss was nothing more than his subconscious seeking a physical memory of Val, and that he will look on James this morning and hate himself for what he did.  
  
A grunt and the humming stops.  The creak and groan of the sofa bed being packed away is followed by the clunk of the washing machine door, and the click and hiss of the gas hob.  Kettle.  Tea.  Breakfast.  And the humming returns.  
  
Robbie forces himself out of bed and into the bathroom – while James is busy elsewhere.  
  
Robbie has no illusions about who he sees in the mirror; he wonders what James sees, for he must see something very different.  Robbie isn’t young or smooth, he’s healthy for his age but not as toned as he could be.  He’s worn soft around the edges, like a favourite blanket, but sorrow has hardened him in places.  He’s built barriers to prevent being hurt again.  Can he possibly dismantle one of those walls for James?  
  
Standing in the bathroom isn’t giving him any answers.  
  
He stands by the kitchen door watching James.  Simple domesticity.   
  
 _James moves easily here, but not as smoothly as he does in my place.  He doesn’t know where things are here.  He’s frustrated; there’s that deep crease between his brows.  When did I start to notice the tiny details?_  
  
Robbie sighs and James turns with a start.  “Good morning...  Robbie.”  _His smile.  He keeps the real ones for me.  Robbie.  I like the sound of it in his mouth._  
  
“Morning, James.”  
  
Robbie understands James’s expression in a microsecond; his heart is laid bare.   And in that truth he finds his own.  _And now James is waiting for me – waiting to see if my intent was true.  
_  
 _What do I do?_ _  
_  
 _You're a grown man, a father, a friend.  You’ve been a husband and lover.  You make decisions based on what you know to be true and right and good.  You don't play with people's hearts.  Damn it, man; you’ve always known what you wanted even though you couldn’t see it until this moment._  
  
Robbie’s smile blooms softly as he walks to James, slowly but with confidence, and cradles James’ cheek.  He kisses him; a longer kiss than the night before, a kiss with forethought and intent.  And a wall begins to crumble.  
  
James’s eyes close and, trembling, he kisses Robbie back; and, _yes_ , this _is_ what Robbie wants, though he has no idea where it will take him – take them – and they have to work but they will talk.  And the world will be a little brighter.


	3. An Understanding

James’s fingers curl around the side of Robbie’s neck as they stand in Laura’s kitchen, and time slows down.  Cautiously, James pushes the tip of his tongue between Robbie’s lips.  He stops when Robbie gasps and parts from him, and lets his hand slip away to rest loosely on Robbie’s shoulder, releasing him if he chooses to step away.  
  
Robbie’s eyes flicker from James’s lips to his eyes and back.  The rapid beating of Robbie’s heart stirs a fluttering in his throat that makes it hard to speak, and he swallows hard to calm the butterflies.   
  
“This is... I was going to say ‘all new’, but it’s not.  _This_ is new.”  His thumb scrapes over a small patch of stubble James missed on his chin.  “And this is very different...” He lowers his hand to rest against James’s firm, flat chest.  “But so far, the rest’s... comfortable.”  
  
James strokes Robbie’s cheek with his thumb; Robbie holds his breath and gives what he hopes is a hopeful smile.   
  
Robbie feels as though his hands belong to someone else and he nearly groans with relief when James gently takes them in his own and holds them loosely between them.   
  
Taking a deep breath Robbie gazes steadily into James’s eyes.  “I’ve not... you know.”   
  
James’s eyes reflect his understanding and his smile is quietly encouraging.  
  
“With Val, it was... uncomplicated.”  Robbie’s ill at ease with the word, he’s afraid it makes this sound difficult, and he knows it shouldn’t be.  “We’d both had other partners before we met...  we knew what was supposed to happen.”  Robbie can feel the heat in his cheeks and it feels as though his entire body trembles, except his hands where James holds him.  “Sometimes Val would read something in a magazine and we’d talk about it.”  His voice trails off into a whisper and his eyes drop to James’s throat.  
  
~  
  
James understands that Robbie is telling him he needs his help to get this right or at the very least not balls it up completely.  But he’s also scared because he’s not as experienced as he feels Robbie seems to think, and he’ll be fumbling his way along a dimly lit path, remembering, recalling, and trying not to stumble and disappoint Robbie.  He’ll tell Robbie soon, but not today; it’s not important today.  
  
James presses his lips gently to Robbie’s forehead and whispers against his brow, “We’ll take our time, and find what works for us.  Whatever that is.”   
  
He pulls Robbie’s hands to rest on his hips then cradles Robbie’s face lightly between his palms.  He seeks out Robbie’s mouth again, and this time Robbie opens to him without hesitation.  James’s tongue gently explores, and he listens to the small noises Robbie makes, and feels his response.  
  
They part unwillingly at the sound of a key in the lock.  Laura.  James pours the tea and Robbie leans against the bench next to him.  
  
“Morning, boys.”  She’s tired.  She stares at them blearily for a moment, blinks and waves, “Bye, boys,” and disappears down the passage.  
  
~  
  
James hands Robbie a mug and Robbie grimaces when he finds it’s lukewarm and stewed.  “Hell, James, how long ago did you make this?”   
  
James smiles at him fondly, knowingly.  “I poured the water just before I said good morning.”  
  
“Away!  That’s been steeping for ages.”  
  
“Yes.  It has.”  James’s smile puzzles Robbie, as he looks like he’s about to laugh.   
  
“But you just said...  oh.”  
  
“Oh, indeed.”  James glances at the kitchen clock.  “Seventeen minutes to be precise.”  
  
Robbie can’t remember the last time he lost time kissing and he looks at James in wonder, with a very different fluttering in his throat.   
  
Robbie wants to stay here, and he can see the same thought in James’s eyes, but Laura’s in the house now and, even when she’s tired, her mind stores little pieces away and puts the puzzle together in the dark.  And they have to work.  They’re off the rotation, but there’s still paperwork to finish, and cold cases to review.  Robbie thinks they can steal a few more private minutes together in the car.  
  
“What say we clean this up, and get some breakfast on the way to work instead?”  
  
“What about Dr Hobson?”  
  
“Laura’s a big girl now, she’ll sort herself out.”  But Robbie knows James isn’t talking about this morning.  “I’ll find a time.  Soon.”  
  
He knows he hasn’t fooled James – he doubts he’ll ever get anything past James again.  He _will_ tell Laura, although at this point he has no idea how or when.  
  
All that matters to Robbie right now is that there are forty precious minutes before they’re expected to front up at work, and he will share them with James.


	4. Business as Usual

  
Robbie cradled his chin in his hands, frowning at the monitor while James patiently tried to explain the revised reporting format.  He stood behind Robbie, leaning into his shoulder with one arm resting on the back of the chair, lightly brushing Robbie’s back.  
  
"You sure it wouldn’t be easier if you sat in his lap?” came the drawl from the doorway.  
  
Robbie’s head shot up in surprise while James lifted his head and stared in disdain.  When Peterson caught Robbie’s eye, however, his smug grin disappeared and he visibly shrank from Robbie’s glare.  
  
“I, er, I’ll just...”  Robbie’s eyes followed Peterson as he hastily departed, making a beeline for the corridor.  
  
“Can you shut the door, please, James.” James was immediately on alert at the tightness in Robbie’s voice.  
  
He stood by the closed door and waited calmly.  
  
  
  
Robbie stretched back in his chair, letting his head rock back.  “I was hoping we could save this conversation for the weekend – tomorrow – and home.”  He sat forward and pushed away from the desk with a heavy sigh.  “Sit down, James.”  
  
James openly studied Robbie as he walked over to James’s desk and sat himself on the edge, leaving them both in full view of the office.  
  
“Peterson’s a smug prat, but he’s also a more than reasonable detective, which means he’s capable of putting two and two together; things have to look as normal as possible between us – here and anywhere in the public eye.  What’s so funny?”  
  
James had leant against the desk, his chin cradled between his thumb and first two fingers, his other fingers curled in front of his lips, barely concealing the grin that danced plainly in his eyes.   
  
“Sorry.  I was just wishing I could see the look you gave Peterson to make him take off the way he did – it could come in useful.”  James sat up properly in his chair, his grin fading slowly.  “I understand what you’re saying, and I agree; we should act the way we _always_ have.”  
  
“Right.”  Robbie blinked.  _That was easy._  “Good.  So that’s sorted then.”  Robbie started back toward his desk.  
  
“Not really.”  James’s grin was completely gone, replaced by a concerned frown.   
  
“Not really?”  
  
James spoke quietly, his unease clear in his voice.  “Well… I did nothing just now that I haven’t done a hundred times in the past.  So why did it trigger this... _conversation_?”  
  
Robbie blinked at James, his response catching in his throat.  James was right; more often than not, when they’d been working on the same computer – from their very early days together – James had always leant over the back of the chair or in from the side, regardless of where they were or who else was around.  It was just something James did.  And Robbie had done the same to James.  
  
With a sickening jolt, Robbie realised that it was his own altered perception, that he had unnecessarily adding meaning to a harmless action.  Except he hadn’t adding anything, he was simply more aware of what everyone else had always seen and never questioned.  And now James was looking at him, waiting to see what he would say.  And although James was unhappy, and rightly so, all Robbie could see was trust – James’s trust in him.  
  
“James, I...”  Robbie bowed his head, lowering his eyes as he thought everything through, his brow creased in concentration.  He looked back at James **,** who was sitting patiently.  
  
“How…”  Robbie sat in the visitor’s chair, where he was now out of view of the office, forcing James to turn his back to the window.  Bewildered, Robbie hunched forward in the seat and spoke to James’s knees. “How’re you so calm about this an’ I’m jumping at shadows?”  
  
James’s reply was a whisper.  “Years of practice.”  
  
Robbie slowly raised his eyes to James’s.  “Oh,” he breathed. “How slow have _I_ been?”  
  
A sad smile flickered across James’s face. “Not slow.  I tried not to let you see.  I thought…  I wanted to believe that if it was going to happen, it would, and if it didn’t…  I told myself I could live with that.”  
  
  
  
A flash of colour caught Robbie’s eye, and he sat back in the chair.  
  
A sharp rap and the door opened.  “Gentlemen.”  
  
“Ma’am,” they chorused.  
  
“Just wanted to congratulate you on yet another job well done...”  She looked from one to the other.  “Is everything... okay?  If I didn’t know you two better, I’d say I’d just interrupted a heart to heart.”   
  
  
  
James’s snort was the sweetest sound she’d heard that day.  All this business with dating websites had created enough disruption around the station without two of her best – very single and available – detectives getting sidetracked too.  She mentally admonished herself for her selfishness; if anyone in her nick deserved happiness it was these two.  Laura was patiently waiting in the wings, but not for much longer if Robbie didn’t get a move on, but what about James?  
  
“Just debriefing, Ma’am; CPS and all that.”  Robbie broke through her ponderings.  
  
With a nod and a smile, she left them, closing the door behind her.  
  
  
  
Robbie pushed himself to standing and, with a light squeeze of James’s shoulder, moved back behind his desk.   
  
“Laura’s tonight, but tomorrow...”  He gave James a fond smile. “Things’ll be back to normal, home-wise.  Come to mine for dinner, lunch, whenever, all day?  You can tell me what’s ‘normal’ for us – what others see as normal for us.  I’m trusting your lead on this.”  
  
Robbie considered James’s expression.  He looked pleased,satisfied.  
  
“An’ after you’ve told me what I should already know, then maybe you can show me something I don’t.  And yes, that is what I’m asking.”  Robbie blushed lightly.  “You’d best hide that dopey grin before someone sees you; I might not be fully up to speed on all of this but I’m damn sure that qualifies as acting differently.”  
  
“Yes, sir.” James schooled his face into a studious mask. “I believe you mentioned CPS, sir.”


	5. Something New

James arrived at Robbie’s at noon.  As soon as the door was closed James put the bags he’d brought in on the floor at his feet, drew Robbie into an embrace and kissed him tenderly.  Robbie’s eager response caught him by delighted surprise and he leant back against the door, taking Robbie with him, as their tongues tangled.    
  
Reluctantly pulling away, James murmured, “I’d planned on saving that for later.”  
   
“I’m glad you didn’t; I’ve ...”  Robbie’s eyes glanced away then back at James, and a light flush bloomed on his cheeks.  ”I’ve missed your kisses.”    
  
James tilted his head and grinned.  “If that’s how you respond after just one day, I’d be curious to see what reception I’d get after a week.”  
  
“Oh, away.”  Robbie nudged him with his elbow and chuckled.  “What’s in that lot, anyway?”   
  
Gathering up the bags, James headed to the kitchen ahead of Robbie and began to unpack.  “Everything you need for a good Ploughman’s lunch.”    
  
“Including the ale?”    
  
“Of course.”  
  
“Very nice of you to go to all this trouble.”   
  
James glanced over his shoulder at Robbie.  “It’s the least I could do.”  
  
  
  
Robbie blinked at James’s tone, the one that said he’d been working something over in his mind and had reached a conclusion.  In a short space of time, Robbie had come to realise just how much he really knew and understood about James, a knowledge that could only have come from intimacy, and for all he moaned that James was a closed book, Robbie unconsciously read him – his moods, his emotions, his intent – as easily as reading the daily paper.  He’d also begun to understand that James knew him in the same way.  It should’ve been unsettling, but it wasn’t.   
  
He touched James’s elbow and walked over to the couch.  Sitting down, he waited until James settled himself in the corner.  “What’s on your mind?” he asked kindly.  
  
James leant forward, elbows resting on his knees and his hands clasped together.  As he stared at the coffee table, he took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.  “I’m not sure trusting _my_ lead may be the wisest course of action.”  
  
A thin, cold finger of panic teased at the edge of Robbie’s mind.  “James ... This is really important.  One of us needs to...”  
  
“I’m not as experienced as I think you think I am,” James interrupted, his words spilling over each other.  Glancing at Robbie, he continued quietly.  “The last time I was with another man was ...”  He shook his head as he looked down at his hands.  “... well, when isn’t important.  I need you to know that ... that we may hit a point where I’m going to stumble.  Possibly quite badly.” ~~~~  
  
Robbie stared at James for the longest moment.  His panic subsided as he understood – thought he understood – what James was saying.  He wanted to slap his own forehead; as far has he was concerned, any experience James had with men was far beyond his own, but he had made some assumptions, perhaps too many.  
  
“But you are familiar with ... what’s involved?” he asked cautiously.  “I mean, beyond what we’ve ...”  
  
"Oh, yes,” James rushed in.  “And it's not so different from ... from what you know ... knew ... know.”  James gave a small, puzzled frown.  “And we never have to go as far as ... _all the way_... if you don't want to."  
  
Robbie nodded slowly. “But ...?  Isn't that ...?”  
  
"It’s not the 'be all and end all’,” James replied softly, taking Robbie’s hand and holding it between his own, his thumb tracing light circles across the warm skin.  
  
Sensing James wasn’t quite finished, Robbie stayed silent and placed his other hand over James’s.  
  
“The more important issue is ... I’ve never ... ”  James exhaled forcefully as Robbie held his breath.  “I’ve never been in a relationship that’s lasted longer than six months, but you … you were happily married for years.”  James looked up, hope and longing clear in his eyes.  “Will you help me make this – us – last?”  
  
Robbie nearly laughed out loud with relief, stopping himself just in time.  “Come here.”  He pulled James into a hug.  “I’ll guide you as best I can, but I don’t think we’re going to have too much to worry about on that count.  You and me have managed to hold things together pretty well over the past few years, despite some circumstances that would have rocked the most solid of marriages.”  He lightly gripped James’s shoulders and pushed him back just enough to see his face.   “However, I do need you to tell me what’s usual for us, so I don’t go an’ arse things up by jumpin’ at shadows.”  
  
A loud gurgling interrupted him.  “Though, perhaps over lunch **.** ” Robbie laughed.  
  
  
***  
  
  
“So, what’s usual – normal – is relative,” James explained.  “It comes down to how we usually behave and behaviour that’s out of character.  Look at us now.”  They were back on the couch, having made short work of James’s bag of groceries, and James pointed to where their legs were pressed together from knee to hip.  “That’s us.  That’s what people see.  We have no personal space – not with each other.  Just like at your desk.  The rest of who we are flows from that.”  
  
Robbie wasn’t completely convinced.   “Well, yeah, but if Peterson ...”    
  
“Peterson’s been at the station five minutes.”  James looked at Robbie and grinned.  “Had it been Innocent or Dr Hobson, it would have been a remark about you using me as your personal IT support officer.”  
  
“But you are.”  
  
“That’s beside the point.  Bottom line: if you start standing three feet away from me, _that’s_ when people will talk, wondering what I’ve done to piss you off.  We don’t have to change anything.  Think about it.  Have we ever been asked to explain our relationship?”  
  
Robbie leant away from James in amazement as the truth of his words sank in.  He’d expected it to be more complicated than that.  
  
James smiled gently.  “What would also get people talking is this.”  He leant forward and kissed Robbie slowly and softly, gradually pressing him back further against the couch.  
  
Robbie grabbed onto the back of the couch, halting their progress with a grunt.  
  
“I’m sorry,” James murmured, and sat back with a jerk.  “I didn’t...”  
  
Robbie hurried to reassure him.  “S’okay, James, it’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just ... I'm a man and ...”  
  
“You're a man?”  James looked himself up and down, a wry smile crossing his face.  “And?”  
  
Robbie huffed quietly.  “All right; point taken.”  
  
  
  
James spoke patiently, his smile cheeky and kind all at once.  “You wanted me to show you something you didn’t know, but I’m happy to do this, if you prefer.”  James slipped one arm around Robbie’s waist and lay back against the arm of the couch.  He let his body slide down, pulling a clearly astonished, though willing, Robbie over him.  James stretched his neck upward to capture Robbie’s lips with his own, and sighed contentedly as Robbie fell into the kiss, his unfamiliar, but longed for, weight pushing James into the arm.  
  
James felt Robbie shiver, the movement rippling through his own body, and murmured with pleasure as Robbie’s hands began to slowly explore his body.  
  
  
  
Robbie’s hand brushed down James’s side and came to rest against his hip.  He was aware of James gradually sliding further down until he was almost completely on his back, with his hips hanging off the couch; Robbie assumed his feet were on the floor.  Robbie himself was lying awkwardly across James.  It wasn’t the most comfortable position, and when Robbie’s elbow accidently dug into his ribs James grunted loudly.  Startled, Robbie clumsily pushed himself up off James and gazed down on his dark eyes and flushed face.  Robbie brushed a finger along James’s kiss-bruised lips.  “What’s it like …  I mean … it doesn’t bother you being ...?”  Robbie’s voice trailed away.  
  
“Underneath?  _Submissive?_ ” offered James.  
  
Robbie nodded.  
  
James shook his head.  “I’m happy either way – I have you.”  His words were backed by a fond smile as his hand skimmed lightly over Robbie’s chest and down to his waist.  “What is important to me, though, is that you’re happy, too, that we don’t do anything that makes you ... uncomfortable.”  James clumsily raised himself up on an elbow from where he had wedged himself.  “You will tell me if we do anything that bothers you, won’t you?”  
  
“Aye, I will, I promise.”  Robbie smiled and began to lower himself to kiss James again.  “What’s the matter?”  James had grimaced as Robbie had drawn closer.  
  
“To use your words, ‘it’s me back’.”    
  
“Bugger it, lad, you should have said something sooner.”  Worried, Robbie pushed himself back into the end seat of the couch.  
  
James grinned cheekily.  “And stop kissing you?  I just need to...”  
  
James grasped for the backrest and pulled himself upright.  Toeing off his shoes, he brought one leg up onto the couch and turned so he now faced Robbie.  With one foot on the ground and his other leg lying stretched out against the back of couch, James slid himself towards Robbie, pushing his foot behind Robbie until it hit the arm rest. He took Robbie’s hand and started to lie back, pulling Robbie towards him.   
  
In a blink, Robbie understood James’s intentions.  Taking a steadying breath, he kicked off his shoes and moved so that was kneeling between James’s legs.  James’s eyes radiated trust and encouragement.  Swallowing down his own nervousness Robbie leant forward so that he lay over James, his weight initially held by his arms and knees.  James raised his head and took Robbie’s bottom lip between his own.  Emboldened by James’s eagerness, Robbie sank into the kiss, vaguely aware of James’s arms wrapping around him.  
  
  
  
James was overwhelmed by Robbie’s apparently easy acceptance of this new situation.  He’d expected him to pull away, to hesitate at the very least.  James wanted to give in to his joy but knew he had to stay as level-headed as possible; Robbie had put his trust in him.  
  
Robbie’s weight pressed against James as he relaxed, and James felt his kisses become more self-assured and passionate.  With each pass of Robbie’s tongue, James grew harder and it took all his self-control not to thrust against Robbie.  Then Robbie’s groin brushed against James’s, their hard cocks sliding together.  Robbie moaned softly and raised his body slightly; though the pressure was gone, he was still close enough for James to feel the heat coming off him.  James’s experienced eyes studied Robbie’s face carefully; when he saw desire, not the panic or distaste he’d warned himself he might see, he felt giddy.  
  
“What’s next, James?”  Robbie whispered hoarsely.    
  
James inhaled deeply to settle the longing in his heart.  “Whatever you feel like doing,” he breathed.  For several long seconds, neither moved nor spoke.   
  
Slowly lowering himself again, Robbie began to rock against James, his cock rubbing firmly against James’s.  He buried his face against James’s neck and James felt his lips press against his collar bone, warm air against his skin as Robbie began to pant.  Cautiously, James began to match Robbie’s movement, leaving small kisses against the part of Robbie’s neck he could reach.  He rested his hands against Robbie’s hips as Robbie began to thrust against him.  With a muffled cry Robbie came, and James felt his full weight bear down on him.  He caressed Robbie’s back as he shuddered through his orgasm, and he could feel where Robbie had come as the dampness started to seep into his own jeans in one place.    
  
As Robbie’s breathing steadied, he again raised himself up and this time began to kiss James’s neck.  James’s erection, which had started to wane, was rekindled and he tried in vain to ignore it, involuntarily thrusting up against Robbie.    
  
Robbie stilled.  “Oh.  You’ve not ...”  
  
“It’s fine, really.  I’m fine.”  James tried to reassure Robbie, having convinced himself he might want to clean up.  However, judging by Robbie’s expression **,** that wasn’t the case.  James was amazed at how Robbie had gone from uncertain to almost assured, but swiftly decided he wasn’t going to question or analyse it.  
  
He waited breathlessly as Robbie caressed his cheek and ran fingers across his lips. “I wouldn’t be.  I’d want…”  Robbie murmured, his last words lost to James’s ears.   
  
“What would you want?”  James spoke in a rush.   
  
Robbie looked James in the eye.  “I’d want you to … can I touch you?”  
  
James’s eyes widened and his heart began to race.  He hadn’t anticipated they would go as far as they had, and what Robbie was offering was beyond that again.  Then James realised he shouldn’t be surprised; he knew that Robbie had had long, comfortable years with Val and, as he’d had told Robbie, it wasn’t all that different in the end.  Yes, there _were_ differences, but James was convinced that Robbie knew exactly what he was doing.  He swallowed once and nodded.  
  
Robbie sat back on his heels, nestled between James’s thighs.  James’s eyes never left Robbie’s face and he caught his chuffed expression as his finger traced James’s erection.  He undid James’s jeans and, when James obligingly lifted his hips, pulled them and his briefs down.  It wasn’t romantic or sensual, it was simply practical – like Robbie – and this ‘Robbie-ness’ centred James.  He watched as Robbie spat into his palm, and closed his eyes as Robbie’s warm fingers wrapped around his shaft.    
  
As Robbie found a rhythm on James's cock, James opened his eyes.  Robbie was focused on his own hand as he stroked James's length, the tip of his tongue poking out between his lips; his other hand gripped James’s bare hip, gently pinning him to the couch.  Robbie’s concentration mesmerised James who became frustrated when his rapidly approaching orgasm pulled him away and into himself.  With a soft cry of "Robbie" – so soft it was almost a whimper – James spilled over Robbie's fist, his hips jerking against Robbie’s hand with each pulse.  
  
When James opened his eyes Robbie was looking calmly down at him.   
  
“You all right, pet?”   
  
James pushed himself up on his elbows, trying not to grin like an idiot.  “I thought I’d be asking _you_ that question.  Me?  Never better.  And you?”  
  
Robbie dropped his head with a soft snort and played with the front of his jeans, pulling the fabric away from his skin.  James shifted his weight to one elbow, and reached out with his other hand, lightly clasping Robbie’s.  
  
“You’ll be more comfortable if you shower and change now.  That’ll only get worse the longer you leave it and I’m not planning on going anywhere.  I’ll make us some tea, shall I?”  
  
He was pleased when Robbie looked up at him and grinned.  “D’you want...?”  Robbie’s eyes flicked down at James’s come-streaked belly.  
  
“Wet wash cloth and a towel would be lovely, thanks.”  James smiled reassuringly and gave Robbie a nudge with his knee.  
  
James watched Robbie fondly as he waddled toward the bathroom.  _Definitely fewer clothes next time_ , he decided.  There was the sound of running water and Robbie emerged with the requested items.  He’d also discarded his jeans – and his pants, James assumed – and had a towel wrapped around his waist.  As he handed the towel and cloth to James, Robbie bent down and gave him a quick, soft kiss before returning to the bathroom.    
  
  
***  
  
  
As promised, when Robbie emerged from the bathroom James had a pot of tea waiting.   
  
Robbie sank into the couch next to James and leant into him.  James wrapped his arm around Robbie’s shoulders, kissed his cheek, and held him close.  
  
“How d’you feel?” James asked softly.  “I hadn’t expected things to go as far as they did and then when you offered ...”  
  
Robbie huffed a small laugh as he took hold of James’s other hand.  “I surprised meself – I’ll tell you that.  You’re a bit – firmer – than Val was, and that was a little unnerving at first, but once I got me head around that ... yeah, like you said, not all that different.”  
  
Robbie turned his head towards James and kissed him. It was slow and gentle, and it told James that Robbie was at peace with himself; in that kiss James found joy.  



	6. Progressing

As Robbie pressed himself against him, half on top of him with one leg over his, James closed his eyes and let his mind drift.  Robbie brushed imaginary strands of hair off James’s brow, before drifting his fingers down James’s cheek and neck.  James moaned softly as Robbie's lips and tongue unerringly found _that_ spot on his neck.

For someone who’d never given any thought to being with a man before, Robbie had proved himself to be extremely skilled, inevitably leaving James trembling and boneless when he took him to bed.  While James had taken the lead in the beginning, it was now Robbie who, more often than not, would initiate the move from couch to bedroom.  Though, perhaps it wasn't so unexpected.

Robbie had had long comfortable years with Val, and was probably more at ease taking the lead.  As for himself, James liked being underneath, feeling Robbie’s solid weight, and his growing confidence in what he was doing.  Sometimes it was hard for James to remember it had only been a few weeks since they’d started this new chapter in their relationship.

However, while they had already progressed much further than James had ever let himself hope, James knew they were still learning about each other; what brought the most pleasure, where they were similar, and where they differed.  There was always a sense of anticipation when they were behind closed doors, whether in Robbie’s flat or at James’s.  There were also areas into which they hadn't yet ventured, which James wanted to try.

James gently broke away, rolled an unresisting Robbie onto his back, and then pressed his lips against Robbie’s neck.  “Would you like to try something different?” James murmured.

“What did you have in mind, pet?”  Robbie looked at him with what James could only describe as languorous longing.

“I’d like to take you in my mouth,” James said quietly, his eyes flickering up to meet Robbie’s.

Robbie hesitated.

James lowered his gaze and returned his attention to Robbie’s neck.  “It’s okay, we don’t have to.  I know it’s not to everyone’s liking.”

“It’s not that, pet.”  Robbie ran his fingers along James’s forearm, and James felt the gooseflesh rise under his fingertips.  “It’s just not something I’ve been offered very often.”

“Oh?”

“Val made it clear when things started getting serious between us that it was something she couldn’t do, and… well… I…”

“I understand,” James murmured, leaning closer and nuzzling Robbie’s neck just below his ear.  “I would never expect someone I loved to do something they didn’t want to either.”  James drew away far enough to meet Robbie’s eyes.  His fingers trailed across Robbie’s chest.  “So, have you ever...?”

Heat flooded Robbie’s cheeks as he gave a small shake of his head.  “Not really.  Thing is…”  Robbie exhaled heavily.  “Me girlfriend before Val, she was… we, er... her dad walked in on us the night we tried... and she, ah… she got such a fright, she bit me… and he chased me out the door with me trousers round me knees.   I never saw her after that.”

“Ah.” James winced, and he kissed Robbie gently.  “Sorry about that.”

“Not your fault, pet.”  Robbie cradled James’s cheek.

James propped himself up on one elbow and began tracing slow circles on Robbie’s chest.  “I promise that when – _if_ – you’d like to try, I will be careful.”

Robbie pulled James down to him and began to drop kisses along James’s neck.  “I was hoping you’d say that.”

James drew back, caught Robbie’s chin, and studied him intently.  His eyes were dark with arousal and longing.  “Go on, then,” Robbie murmured.

“You’re sure?”  James’s eyes wandered over Robbie’s face.  “You’re not just doing this for me?”

“You know me better than that, pet.”  Robbie smiled slowly.  “Just because me an’ Val didn’t, doesn’t’ mean I wasn’t curious.”

James moved to kneel between Robbie’s legs.  He took Robbie in hand, and then into his mouth.

With a soft moan. Robbie’s head dropped back against the pillows.  James closed his eyes, bringing his world down solely to pleasuring Robbie.

***

The glow at the edge of the curtains signalled morning.  James lay on his side and watched Robbie stirring.

Robbie blinked slowly at him.  “Sleep well?” he asked James drowsily.

“Of course.  Always do when I’m with you.”  James lazily rolled onto his back and pulled Robbie with him.

Robbie kissed James.  “I have to get up, pet.”

“I know.”  James smiled fondly.  He knew his days of morning dashes to the loo would come.  “I’ll be waiting.”

James sat up and settled himself against the bedhead.  He draped the sheet loosely over his hips and legs.  Robbie returned to the bedroom and slipped into beside him.  He looked at James curiously.

“Penny for your thoughts?” James asked as he took hold of Robbie’s hand.

“About last night…”

“Yes?”  James held himself still.

“I’m thinking you an’ me should have a shower, an’ then we’d best come back to bed and see how much I’ve learnt.”  Robbie’s smile sent a shiver of anticipation through James’s body.  “Who knows… I might need lots of practice and further instruction.  What do you think?”

James captured Robbie’s mouth hungrily.  “I can be a hard marker.”

“Well, then,” Robbie murmured against James’s lips.  “I think it’s a good thing we’ve got all day.”


	7. Rhythm

Robbie glanced at his watch, put down his book, and then made his way into the kitchen.  As he measured the leaf tea into the warmed teapot, a key slid into the front door lock.  Band practice was over, and James was home.  Well, not quite _home_ , but every time James let himself in to Robbie’s flat, Robbie could pretend, if only for a moment.

Coming straight to Robbie’s after saying goodnight to his band mates had quickly become a routine for both of them and, as his governor, Robbie did everything in his power to ensure James was free on Thursday nights so they could have this time together.  So far, they’d managed seven weeks out of eleven, which was something of a small miracle.  Robbie had given James his own key to the flat after the third week.  These weren't the only nights they spent together – they were together here far more than they were apart – but these nights were the only time James let himself in.

It was a simple routine.  James would leave at 9pm on the dot; that was when Father Andrew liked to lock up the church, and it was leave at nine or be locked in.  At the same time Robbie would stop whatever he’d been doing, and start to make tea and toast for a late supper for both of them.  If they’d been particularly late leaving work, Robbie would make something more substantial instead – usually sandwiches, sometimes soup.  It was only a short drive to Robbie’s from the church so, by the time James arrived, he would still have time for a quick shower and change before everything was ready.

Sometimes, as they shared their simple meal, they would talk a little.  If Robbie had spoken to Lyn that night he would give James a brief summary of recent life in Manchester, and, occasionally, James would relate an anecdote from one of his band mates or Father Andrew.  For the most part, however, they spent that time in an amiable silence.  It was their time.  Their hands would join across the table, and their feet tangle together underneath it.  These nights always ended the same way: they would share a glass of wine while sitting curled together on the couch, and then retire to bed, where they would slowly make love.

It was simple and gentle and fulfilling.  James belonged here, and Robbie belonged with James.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Robbie could count on one hand the number of times he had stayed at James’s flat.  It had taken Robbie a couple of months to realise James would nearly always find a reason for them to go to Robbie’s home, even on those days when they were closer to James’s.

On one of the rare occasions they were nestled together on James’s couch, Robbie determined to try and find out why.

Turning slightly under James’s arm so he could watch his face, Robbie asked casually, “Is your flat haunted?"

“What?”  James’s wine glass froze in mid-air as he looked at Robbie.

“You heard me,” Robbie said quietly.

“No.  It’s not haunted.  I don’t believe in ghosts… and nor do you.”  James’s brow creased in puzzlement.  “Why would you even ask such a thing?”

“I see a nice flat; your neighbours are quiet, and it’s a quiet street.  You’re closer to work than I am, and you've even got a wee square of garden, which is more than I have.”

James blinked, and then he sighed.  “You want to know why we don’t stay here more often?”

“Only if you want to tell me.”  Robbie gently took hold of James’s free hand.  “I don’t mind us spending most of the time at mine; I just wondered…”

“I can’t relax the same here.  Your flat feels… different.  It always has.”

“Have you thought about looking for somewhere new?”

“It wouldn't make any difference.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do.  More wine?” James murmured.  He didn't say, “conversation over,” but Robbie heard it loud and clear.

“Please.”  Robbie didn't have an answer, but a seed was planted.  Sometimes with James that was all you could do.  James passed him a refilled glass and then settled back on the couch.  Robbie nuzzled James’s neck.  “We all right, pet?”

“Why wouldn't we be?”  James pressed even closer into Robbie.

“No reason, love.”

Loving James wasn't always easy – Robbie knew loving anyone brought its own challenges – but that only made Robbie all the more determined to get it right.

***

James was curled around Robbie’s boneless body.  James might feel he couldn't relax as well in his own flat, but once they were in bed it didn't seem to make a difference where they were.  Robbie fleetingly wondered what it would be like if he and James took a holiday together; would a complete change of environment bring James further out of himself or push him back inside?

Robbie’s thoughts were interrupted when James buried his face against Robbie’s shoulder.  Robbie wrapped his arms around James and began to count slowly in his head.  He’d once made it to sixty before James had started snoring softly.

James started to mumble, but the words were lost against Robbie’s skin.  James’s warm breath sent a shiver through Robbie.

“I missed that, love,” Robbie whispered.

“Home.”  James raised his head slightly.  “Your place… feels like home.  I don’t know how to do tha…”  James’s words trailed off into a snuffle and a grunt, and the full weight of his body pressed against Robbie.

Robbie pressed his lips to James’s forehead.  “Well, bonny lad,” Robbie murmured. “We’ll just have to see what we can do about that.”

 


	8. Where To From Here

 

Robbie held the front door open for James, and then followed him through to the kitchen.  James started to put the shopping away.  He had his back to Robbie.

“I can make lasagne or shepherd’s pie,” James said.  “Which would you prefer?”

Robbie took two beers from the fridge, and tapped James on the arm with one to get his attention.  

“Sit down, pet.”

James grinned at him.  “Ooh.  Sounds serious.” 

“It’s important,” Robbie said quietly, sitting down at the dining table.

“Okay.”  James sobered immediately and sat in the chair opposite Robbie.

“You know I had lunch with Laura today?”

James nodded.  “Your belated birthday lunch.”

“Aye.”  Robbie took a drink.  “Laura knows.  About us.”

James sat up straight and blinked.  “I didn't realise you were going to tell her.  I mean, I know you said you would, but I didn't realise you meant today.”

“I didn't.  She knew.”

“How?”

“I didn't ask.  I think I was too afraid to.”

“Oh.  How do you know she knows?  What did she say?”

Robbie started to pick at the label on his bottle.  It was a habit he’d picked up from James.  “We were chatting about different things – the trip to Finland she’s got planned with her sister, and about Lyn and the bairn – then, out of the blue, she started talking about how love can creep up and surprise us, an’ how it can come from unexpected quarters, and to accept it for what it is.  I thought she was talking about herself.  But… when she had to go back to work, she kissed me on the cheek and she said… ‘Give my love to James, and I wish both of you every happiness, wherever it may take you.’”

“Oh.” James blinked again.

In spite of himself, Robbie had to smile.  “Not like you to be lost for words, love.”

James shook his head and frowned.  “I wonder if Dr Hobson’s been thinking over what she saw when she found us in her kitchen that first morning.  I can’t think what else it could be.”  He looked at Robbie, his eyes narrowed with concern.  “Do you think Innocent knows?”

Robbie shrugged.  “No idea.  We've been discreet, though.”

“I suppose if Innocent knew, she’d have to act on it.  Wouldn't she?”

“I think… If someone else said something to her, she’d have to.  I suppose it depends how reluctant she’d be to split us up.”

“We give her migraines.”

“We also solve cases.  You know the stats as well as I do; you don’t split one of your best teams if you can help it.  I reckon even if she did know – or even suspected something – she wouldn't say anything, not even to us.  What’s that phrase? ‘Plausible deniability?’”  James nodded.  “She’d want that.”

James seemed to relax, which pleased Robbie.  Robbie himself had felt a weight lift off his shoulders when he understood Laura not only knew, but was happy for them.

“What happens now?” James asked.

“Well… there is somethin’ I’ve been thinking about.  I was going to wait a bit longer before I said anything, but in light of Laura knowing…”  James tilted his head curiously.  “I think we should move in together,” Robbie blurted out.

“What?”  James stared like a deer in the headlights.

It wasn't quite the response Robbie had expected, but then he’d also planned on giving himself time to slowly feed the idea to James.  “Do you think it’s a bad idea?  Too soon?”

James stammered, “Moving in together means telling the world about us.”

“I don't have a problem with that, James, especially not now Laura knows.  I want the world to know, and this 'two flats, two lives' business... it needs to change sometime, doesn't it?  If we're serious about us, then...  Are you havin’ doubts about… us?”

James lunged across the table, capturing Robbie’s face gently between his hands.  He kissed Robbie hungrily.

“Not that, then,” Robbie said breathlessly when they parted.  “So what is it?”

James moved to the chair closest to Robbie, sat down, and took Robbie’s hand between his own.  “It won’t just affect us.  What about work?”

“Laura’s practically given us her blessing.  And as for work… I can go for a training post, and if that’s not available I can always retire.”   James looked displeased.  “What’s the matter?  Don’t fancy bein’ seen with a pensioner?”

“It's not that.”  James gave his best ‘don’t be daft’ look, though it was never as good as the face Robbie pulled on James.  “Why should you have to change what you do before you're ready?”

“Who says I'm not ready?  It’s got to happen sometime, pet.”

“What about Lyn? Mark?”

“Lyn'll be fine.  As for Mark...  He made his decision to leave, and contact's been erratic and strained at best.  Mark's got no say in what I do.”

“I need to know you don't have any doubts, and won't have any regrets.”

“If I had either, we wouldn't be here now.  That might sound harsh, but it’s the truth.  I would never have let things go as far as they have if I had even the slightest doubt.  What's this really about?”

“I need to be sure you’re sure,” James repeated.  “The last thing I want is for you to wake up one morning and realise you've made a mistake and–

“Stop it!”  Robbie pulled James into a fierce hug.  “I am sure, love, and I don’t know how to tell you any other way.  But it’s starting to sound like you’re not.”

James whispered something which Robbie didn't quite hear.

“You’re gonna have to say that again, love.”

“I’ve never wanted anyone more than you, anything more than this.  It’s... I told you at the beginning I’ve never lasted more than six months with someone and it’s nearly that now and–”

“And you asked me to help you make us last.”  Robbie didn’t think it was possible to hold James any closer, but he tried.  “And I will.  I'm not letting you go.”

“I love you,” James whispered.

“An’ I love you, bonny lad.”

Whatever they faced from here, they would do so together, and openly; of that, Robbie was confident.  The details would be sorted in time, and those who didn't like it could go and jump in the lake as far as Robbie was concerned.

He and James had each other, and whatever future time gave them, and that was all that mattered.

_FIN_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well it took me a while, but here we are at the end. For those who waited patiently for me to get my act together, thank you. I hope you found it worth the wait.  
> cheers  
> Som

**Author's Note:**

> After posting [A Mighty Pain To Love It Is](http://archiveofourown.org/works/577035) I found myself with a burning need to write fluff or ,at the very least, something a bit less shattering. I started writing a larger piece which refused to fall into place. Two small pieces were pulled from the remnants. They're connected, and they're not.
> 
> The first, Common Ground can be found [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/582529)


End file.
